Life changes like seasons do,
Every day it brings us something new,
A new day, a new grind,
And new people around.
While the traces of the past
are nowhere to be found.
A wave the change brings along
and you seem to flow with it
unaware of what’s going on,
You just follow the commands of time
things change, surroundings change
Entire life changes and so do you.
And just by the time you realize
what that change did to you.
You learn to accept it and live with it.
Just then, life changes again.
It’s not in your hands, you can’t stop it.
All you can do is give in to the mold
Be a desired shape to fit in.
Change is the law of nature
And so is adaption.
You cannot stop winter from coming,
But you sure can keep yourself warm
By lighting the fire within you.
There’s nothing old, and nothing new
Things are on, but you’ve no clue
About the good and the bad
And the right and the wrong
Everything is so similar to you.
When you look back
Things are so different
But the past seems familiar
You realize you’ve left it
Behind you, long ago.
When you look ahead
There is nothing but the blinding light
You just don’t know what awaits ahead
You only have the choice, to keep walking
On a road that never seems to end.
You wish to halt, you wish to breathe
You want to live this moment
You want to feel free
But your feet don’t rest
They only keep pacing ahead.
With the tired mind
A numb body, a sweated shirt and torn shoes
All you wish for is a dead end
As how much ever tempting it may seem
You can’t quit on your life
Forced to keep moving against your wish
Emptiness- all around and inside
Lost hopes, lost spirits,
Lost faith, lost love
There’s nothing left with you
All you keep praying now
Is never to see the next dawn
At this point now
So weak, so coward you are
That you can’t take your own life.
What life will you take away from self?
The real you was killed way back behind
Now only a stone hearted, frozen blooded
Human walks mechanically around
and people say you are ‘Living’.
This is about the weakest hour of my night, when there is a rush through my body, and a race in my mind. Just hours before the Sun is to show up, my sleep is jolted out to a stop. Away from the tunnel of my dreams, I now take a halt on the reality. And all the weight I feel is visible under my eyes. There is a temptation first, to run away. A need to start all over again and desperation to pull myself together, with the messed up life I have. Thoughts are guided by silence, through the darkness of the hour before dawn; searching for ways to fix everything that is wrong. Attacked by the blame-game for the chaos around, trying to take responsibility of it all. Undertaking a rescue mission away from this situation, and laying out plans that seem fail proof, towards a decent foreseeable future, brings out some sense of satisfaction.
Then comes towards me, a list of possibilities of the 4562836301 things that could still go wrong, and somewhere within me, fear finds the spark to ignite. In an attempt to prevent the fire, the control of the Train of Thoughts is lost. It is now travelling in an ugly maze of things irrelevant and senseless. As I struggle to find a way out of the disgust, there stands the reflection of the guilt from past, hurting my guts inside out. Panic now takes over, and breaths become shorter and shorter, till I am suffocated in my own little world. Guess that’s where the claustrophobia came from. The great escape plan now becomes surreal. For all I know I am trapped in this hell of way of life. Exhausted from the trauma I feel, I try to get back to some shut eye, as just before the dawn breaks, my little heart prays. For at night, there comes this tickle, breaking me every way possible; taking a toll on my day, draining out the life from me, ounce by ounce. A spell work that is cast, through something black inside of me, that makes me battle with myself. I tend to lose, I only wish for it to fade away someday.