God Complex

There are people around me who whine about every little trouble they come across. Maybe you are just like them. Or not, it might be so that you are a lot tougher. Not much fazes you. You may even claim to have ‘control’ over your life. You may harbor the wee dreams of floating above your clouded emotions. But, at the end of the day, you remain what you are – A human.

People like me are rare. We don’t pop up around you very often. It’s not that we like being obscure. It’s just that the spotlight holds no appeal to us. We live our lives the way we want to. We let ourselves indulge into just the correct amount of emotion we find appropriate. We are masters of our mental state. We are entirely absolute.

I’ve forgotten the last time I lost my cool. I have to consciously make an effort to react in a way even slightly astray from the neutral. No condition, I repeat; no condition brings out the emotions out from the inner me. I’ve to choose the emotions I let flow to respond to the situation at hand. And even then, most of the time I simply don’t bother letting my emotions out.

The concept of ‘God’ eludes me. But he must feel similar to what we do – being in a position of total power, total control over oneself, ignorant of any and all dangers. That is the way God must feel. It was the reason they termed ‘God Complex’ for how we choose to behave or act.

I too, have it i.e. an absolute control over my emotions by acknowledging that I’m perfectly capable of handling any situation thrown at me.

I have God Complex.

Or maybe

Am I emotionally broken beyond repair?

Chasing Yourself

When we were kids,
chasing someone in hide and seek,
it was just a game I believed.
When I grew up a little,
came to know that fun was brittle,
chasing in games was no longer there
the world said chase marks and results,
or beware.

Chasing was no more fun,
comparison with friends was burden of a ton,
but all it included was a pun,
it said at least I offer friends for fun.
When I grew up some more,
I realized chase washed me to a shore,
so lonely and so tore,
I wished in anger I could roar.
But no point was there even for anger,
as nobody was there to hear rejoinder.

Now, I have grown up more,
standing still on the same shore,
waiting for a hand smooth and soft,
to hold my hands which have turned sore.
I wish a day would come,
no chase will be there,
not on land not in water neither in air.
And all souls will light up as flairs,
I wish a day would come,
the chase comes to an end.
We will just return playing hide and seek,
and of us will be friends.

The chase which put us apart,
will drive us back where we were a part,
the chase which left us alone,
will have no reason to make us mourn.
But still,
it is a wish that the chase will be gone,
but ultimately I am chasing my wish,
so the chase is still not gone,
and now I feel like a moron.
But still, I believe the chase will be gone.

Live your Passion

‘How do I find my passion?’
There is no answer to this question. ‘What would you love doing all the time and never get bored of it?’
Now, this question might have an answer.

When you pursue and keep doing what you love, you do not look for personal time because you are happy even when you are working. That is the beauty of following your passion. I love photography. I could do it all day. I can never get bored of it. I find my happiness while clicking pictures of people in their own grace. It calms me.

Did you know? In India, pro-gamers make around 10 to 15k per month minimum. I’m telling you this to make one point clear, that now is the best time to follow your passion and turn it into a business and also make a living out of it. But you should be willing to do whatever it takes to take this chance to live on your own terms.

I don’t think people have understood of how much the society and its mentality have changed. In India, did you ever think wedding photographers could earn so much money like they do now? The generation gap is fading and people appreciate creative ideas and newer businesses.

Terribly Tiny Tales is a great example for this. It was a very interesting idea to capsulate a formula by combining the idea of Twitter and social media’s unlimited opportunity. A simple image with less than 140 characters now creates a terribly good awareness about a lot of issues, makes an immediate impact on people or at least puts a smile on the face of the reader.

Maybe, you have a hobby. Maybe, you are tossing and turning in bed with a million ideas in your mind. Google it! Your idea may turn out to be something no one has ever tried. It maybe unchartered waters that you are sailing into. But if you work hard enough, you get all the fish.

In India, you get to think about your career only after you complete an engineering degree. But, that is okay. It’s not too late. It is better you find your happiness doing something you love, making 40k-a-month rather than making 60k-a-month being an engineer and being upset & blaming the society and family for it. If you want something, you have to get up from that comfortable couch and get it. Complaining that people don’t get that something to you or that people are telling you that if you get up from the couch, you will not get the same comfort ever again is utterly baseless and has zero use.

Lower your expectations from other people. Someone isn’t going to be there to keep applauding your efforts and keep motivating you do it. Self-motivation is very important.

The opinion of others which are actually not going to help you grow is all just a moopoint. It does not matter.If the opinion of the people who love you does matter to you, then do respect it and also convey, justify and convince them with your point of view. Whatever you do, you are the one who is going to live with the consequences. Hence, you have to be unapologetic for being yourself. It is not wrong to put yourself first.

The other important trait required to live your passion, is to gain confidence. Practice, practice and keep practicing because there is no alternative to working super-hard. Confidence levels will rise as you learn new techniques and achieve each milestone. If you fail in achieving a milestone or anything of that sort, forgive yourself first because nobody is perfect. Then, get yourself on your feet and push harder. You will eventually reach the heights that want to, also, staying happy all the way up there.

Living your passion might just be the panacea you needed! In Gary Vaynerchuk’s words, “When you get to do what you want to do, you’ve won”.

Time of Cold

Dead leaves now cover the place,
Where their shadows once fell,
A grim ceremony marked,
By echoes of an unseen knell.

A temporal shroud of grayness,
Thrown over balding heads,
A metallic coldness of doorknobs,
Clear vision which steadily fades.

Air like a hundred needles,
A reptile huddled up beneath some momentary warmth,
Dead trees burn in happy homes,
Stories woven around the red-brick hearth.

All disperse as night falls fast,
A web of frosts glistens on trees,
Black rocks wait for the morning light,
However weak, the sun at last.

World of Sleepless Nights

On sleepless nights,
I dream of skies
So lit and eternally bright
Filled with stars and natural light.

But when I reach out and open my eyes,
I only find the glimmering street lights.
The stars are gone which were bright
Overwhelmed by the artificial light

The dream once lied in skies
As there goes the natural light.

On sleepless nights
I dream of,
A lap which was forever there to lie,
It’s only there now, for a device so sly.

A hand was there to hold me steady
Now its rough and no longer ready.

The eyes which were for only me to see
Are now clutched on a screen to make prestige.

On sleepless nights,
I dream,
A world with no more ties
Devices not so sly,

Of hands to hold and a lap to sleep
Fingers to play and eyes to see

I dream with open eyes
As they say dreams with open eyes
Come true, that’s why I dream
Only on sleepless nights.

The Checklist

Based on a true and unfortunate story.

From the very moment I turned eighteen, I ardently avoided weddings. Not because I despised the fanfare or the ever-present smell of jalebis and jasmine, but because of the inevitable turn every conversation seemed to take: my own wedding. I am now twenty one and the fear is stronger than ever. Every time the family gathers, my bridey-sense tingles. The wind shifts, the ground rumbles and I know that it is time for nervous chuckles and subject changers.

Let me assure you that I am not against the institution of marriage. But I am vehemently against the idea and practice of forcing someone into marriage. All conscious and subconscious efforts to do so included. In my defence, I’ve seen it happen with my own eyes. Growing up, I could only watch as one by one my siblings and cousins defected to the other side. I speak not of those who genuinely chose to get married, but of those whose right to choose was limited to the pool of select candidates courtesy of matrimonial sites. Being an individual of marriageable age in today’s world is like being in the Hunger Games: with each passing year your chances of being picked increases exponentially. And there is no escape.

The early man began cohabitating to procreate. Procreation was necessary to populate the planet. There was strength in number. More people meant more labour and more resources. It was once crucial for man’s survival. Fortunately, we have come a long way since then. We no longer need to procreate. Companionship is no longer a necessity for humankind to survive. It’s a want, and a negotiable one at that. Marriage is not and should not be a social sine qua non, but a choice. It is neither a right nor a duty. It is not an entry in a checklist that needs to be ticked off.

It is interesting to note how the items in the above-mentioned checklist vary with age. At eighteen it is marriage, at twenty five it is parenthood and at sixty, grandparenthood (exact numbers may differ). Marriage should be about two willing parties who mutually decide to spend their lives together. The decision to start a family should be made based on natural love and affection and not ticking biological clocks. They are not tasks that need to be completed in order to graduate to the next level.

As I write this, I come to terms with the fact that THE CHECKLIST is very real and inexhaustible. A shocking majority are bound by it in one way or another. And as I heave a sigh of relief for having survived yet another conversation with an expectant wedding guest, I realize that it will not be my last.

Living

There’s nothing old, and nothing new
Things are on, but you’ve no clue
About the good and the bad
And the right and the wrong
Everything is so similar to you.

When you look back
Things are so different
But the past seems familiar
You realize you’ve left it
Behind you, long ago.

When you look ahead
There is nothing but the blinding light
You just don’t know what awaits ahead
You only have the choice, to keep walking
On a road that never seems to end.

You wish to halt, you wish to breathe
You want to live this moment
You want to feel free
But your feet don’t rest
They only keep pacing ahead.

With the tired mind
A numb body, a sweated shirt and torn shoes
All you wish for is a dead end
As how much ever tempting it may seem
You can’t quit on your life
Forced to keep moving against your wish
You do.

Emptiness- all around and inside
Lost hopes, lost spirits,
Lost faith, lost love
There’s nothing left with you
All you keep praying now
Is never to see the next dawn
At this point now
So weak, so coward you are
That you can’t take your own life.

What life will you take away from self?
The real you was killed way back behind
Now only a stone hearted, frozen blooded
Human walks mechanically around
and people say you are ‘Living’.