The word is almost as beautiful as the feeling of being able to completely rely on someone. The feeling that you can hand a gun to someone citing all the reasons why they should pull the trigger but knowing well, that they never will even if their own life depended on it. Amazing, right? A tad bit exhilarating too.
But, in this day and age, how many people do you trust? How many do you think would pick up your call at three in the morning and be there, no questions asked? How many do you think would shield you from the harm’s way? How many do you think would catch you when you fall? You could probably count them off on the fingers of just one hand.
All because you once trusted someone so much that they used it against you. They pulled the trigger of the gun which you handed over to them with the ammo. They corrupted your safe haven which you both built together. They left you alone and vulnerable with nothing to protect yourself with. They left you dejected and feeling miserable with walls higher and stronger than before.
In 2004, it all began when Anika was just three years old.
She was his baby girl, his angel, she always did as he asked, listening to him more than her own mother, always trying to please him. For in him, she had finally found a father. He didn’t have any children of his own which made him extremely protective of his little angel. She was the apple of his eye.
He always made sure that she never went anywhere without his permission. Anika’s mother used to mock him that she came second in his life after Anika. But, in reality, she was just proud of him for loving someone else’s child this deeply. Maybe, that was because she wasn’t quite aware of the depth of his feelings for her daughter…
He used to get up every night after making sure that everyone had gone to sleep, to make his way to Anika’s room, where she laid waiting for him. She used to get rewarded with chocolates afterwards for being his special girl. She felt joy in knowing that her father ‘loved’ her more than her mother.
It wasn’t until she began school and started speaking to her friends that she realized how wrong it was. How the other girls weren’t their daddy’s ‘special girls’, how they slept with their clothes on and in a different room from their fathers, how they weren’t given chocolates for letting their fathers touch their special places.
She started feeling disgusted with herself and with him. She began to hate him with an inexplicable fury. She thought she could escape it by telling her mother. But, even she dismissed her as a call for attention.
She was trapped and so very lost. She felt like running away but where could she go? She felt so alone in this world with no one to save her. Not even her own mother believed her. She wanted to escape this and it seemed that there was only one solution left. But, could she bring herself to do it?
Yes. She had to.
On the morning of 3rd October 2015, Anika’s mom found her daughter lying in a pool of blood, a note next to her.
‘This was the only way to be free.’